Aligning Your Values with Your Goals: The True Meaning of Success
Introduction: What Does Success Really Mean?
Success is often measured by external achievements—wealth, status, or accolades. Most people’s success barometer comes from what they see from external sources - social media, the circle of influence in their communities or more broadly based on societal standards. But is that the real measure of a fulfilling life? Philosophers and thinkers like Alain de Botton, Earl Nightingale, James Allen, and the Stoics suggest that true success is deeply personal and rooted in aligning one’s values with their goals. Without this alignment, achievements can feel empty, and life may seem directionless. The key to authentic success is self-discovery, understanding what truly matters, and setting goals that reflect those values.
Understanding Your Personal Values
Your values are the guiding principles that shape your decisions and define what is meaningful to you. They are not imposed by society but discovered through introspection and experience. Alain de Botton, in his reflections on success, argues that many people chase societal ideals of success rather than their own, leading to dissatisfaction. He suggests questioning inherited definitions of success and identifying what brings personal fulfillment rather than external validation. As he puts it, “Success just means making sure that you’ve made the best choices for yourself and not simply adopted a set of externally imposed goals.”
The Role of Self-Discovery in Aligning Values and Goals
James Allen, in As a Man Thinketh, emphasises that our thoughts shape our reality. He famously states, “A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.” If you’re unsure about your values, start by examining what excites you, what frustrates you, and what principles you admire in others. Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Seneca encourage deep self-reflection, urging individuals to detach from distractions and focus on cultivating inner virtue. As Seneca wrote, “It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it.” Ask yourself:
- What activities make me lose track of time?
- What injustices or issues deeply concern me?
- What kind of person do I admire and why?
- If money weren’t an issue, what would I spend my life doing?
Success as the Progressive Realisation of a Worthy Ideal
Earl Nightingale defines success as “the progressive realisation of a worthy ideal.” This means that success is not about reaching a final destination but about continually moving toward a meaningful goal that reflects your values. If your goal is dictated by external pressures rather than personal conviction, achieving it will not bring satisfaction. The Stoics reinforce this idea, teaching that true contentment comes from living in accordance with nature and virtue, rather than external rewards. As Marcus Aurelius advises, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength.”
Practical Steps to Align Your Values with Your Goals
- Clarify Your Core Values – Write down five things that matter most to you. This could be creativity, integrity, family, wisdom, or contribution to society.
- Assess Your Current Goals – Are they aligned with your values, or are they based on external expectations?
- Eliminate Conflicting Pursuits – If a goal contradicts your values, reconsider it.
- Practice Stoic Reflection – Keep a journal to track your thoughts, actions, and whether they align with your principles.
- Redefine Success for Yourself – Instead of chasing conventional success, define what a fulfilling life looks like for you.
The Answer : To Chase Happiness?
Is "happiness" sustainable? Should it be the basis and the driver for all our actions? Stoic philosophy, though ancient, has some great advice for finding happiness, especially for high school students who are navigating the pressures of school, friends, and personal growth.
1. Focus on What You Can Control
In life, there are lots of things you can’t control—like other people’s actions, your grades, or what happens in the world. Stoicism teaches us to focus on what we can control: our actions, our attitude, and our effort. If you’re working hard and doing your best, the outcome will matter less, because you can feel proud of your effort, even if things don’t go perfectly.
2. Don’t Rely on External Things for Happiness
Stoics believe that happiness isn’t about having the best stuff, being the most popular, or getting the highest grades. Happiness comes from within, by being content with who you are and how you choose to live. So, instead of chasing after things that might seem to promise happiness, like material stuff or approval from others, focus on building your inner strength and character.
3. Embrace Challenges and Setbacks
Life isn’t perfect, and neither is high school. There will be tough moments—bad grades, disagreements with friends, or stressful tests. Stoicism teaches that these challenges are part of life, and instead of seeing them as roadblocks, we can see them as chances to grow. Every difficulty is an opportunity to practice patience, resilience, and learning from mistakes.
4. Live in the Moment
Instead of stressing about the past or worrying about the future, Stoicism encourages us to focus on the present. Being fully present helps you appreciate what you have and prevents unnecessary stress. You’re living right now, so make the most of today, whether it's studying, spending time with friends, or simply taking a moment to relax.
5. Practice Gratitude
Think about what you have right now—your friends, your family, your health—and be thankful for it. The Stoics often practiced "negative visualisation," which means imagining losing the things you care about so that you appreciate them more. It’s not about being pessimistic; it’s about learning to value the small things and feeling gratitude for what you have.
6. Remember That Life is Short
One of the Stoic practices is called “memento mori” or “remember you will die.” This sounds intense, but it’s really about living with purpose. Life is fleeting, so make sure you’re spending your time wisely. Instead of wasting energy on things that don’t matter or worrying about things beyond your control, focus on what makes your life meaningful.
Better yet, to extend this saying, you can say "Memento Mori, Memento Vivire" - "Remember you will Die, so remember to LIVE."
In Short:
The Stoics teach that happiness comes from within. It’s about staying calm in stressful times, focusing on your own actions and growth, and being grateful for what you have. You can't always control what happens around you, but you can control how you respond to it. This mindset helps you live a more peaceful, fulfilling life.
Stoicism might sound old, but it’s all about common-sense advice for how to stay strong, calm, and happy no matter what life throws your way.
Conclusion: Living a Life of Purpose
Aligning your values with your goals is the key to authentic success. By taking inspiration from Alain de Botton’s critique of societal success, Earl Nightingale’s definition of progress, James Allen’s philosophy of thought shaping destiny, and the Stoic focus on virtue, you can build a life that is not only successful but deeply fulfilling. The ultimate goal is not to meet external expectations but to live in harmony with your true self. As Seneca wisely stated, “If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favourable.
Works Cited
Allen, J. (2021) As a man Thinketh: The complete original edition with bonus material. New York: St. Martin’s Essentials.
De Botton, Alain (2004) Status Anxiety. New York
Stevie Cuts (2017) Happiness , YouTube. Available at: https://youtu.be/e9dZQelULDk (Accessed: 12 February 2025).
Holiday, R. and Hanselman, S. (2016) The daily stoic: 366 meditations on wisdom, perseverance, and the art of living. London: Profile Books Ltd.
Ryan, T. (2016). Stoic philosophy: A guide to the good life. Oxford University Press, Oxford.
Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. (2018). Stoicism. Available at: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/stoicism/ (Accessed: 12 February 2025).
Trigg, R. (2009) Ideas of human nature: An historical introduction. Malden, Mass: Blackwell Publ.